Webster’s Dictionary defines
strong-willed as “very determined to do something even if other people say it
should not be done.” I don’t think Mr. Webster had any strong-willed children
because that definition is an understatement. He craftfully uses the phrase
when others say “it should not be done”, opposed to it cannot be
done. Choosing to do something despite people’s doubt is determination.
That characteristic is not in question because determination is a choice. Being
strong-willed is a personality…uhm.. struggle. Struggle for whom?
Personality types and quirks can involve
many people, not just the person to whom they belong. Oh yes, that person must learn the good and
bad of their personality in hopes to use it properly or at least not get themselves in trouble. It also affects family,
friend, teachers, and RANDOM PEOPLE (Yes, that’s the worse… When it affects
random people.) You know, like the random people in the grocery store or at the
doctor’s office or at church. When your child smacks them because they
disagreed with them or screams on the top of his/her lungs to get what he/she
wants or says that someone is ugly (even though it may be the truth)… Yeah,
those situations. Oh, those just happen in my world? Okay, you’re allowed to leave
now and write a blog about your perfect universe because I'm talking about real-life humans here.
Take all the in-depth studies of
personalities and all the books written about strong-willed children, then
apply that to this little human who can barely count to 15 but somehow thinks
his/her ideas are the only viable option in a particular present situation. All in all,
there’s a lot to be said about strong-willed individuals; and having one of my
own for three short year, I’ve learned some valuable life lessons.
Consistency
Consistency is one of the most valuable
teaching strategies for a parent with a strong-willed child. Man, those kids
are sharp as tacks. They remember exactly what you’ll let them do and
not do, and they know exactly how to get around it. Whether I use
disciplinary punishment or rewards or a mix of the two, the reaction to a
particular action must be the same – every single time. If I tell Chloe to not
jump on the couch; then ignore that action the next time she does it, I
literally took five steps backward in helping her to realize and change her
behavior. Some of y’all literally just said, “Oh… Yes!” (By the way, I don't think jumping on the couch is some cardinal sin. The fact that she's being purposefully disobedient is the problem.)
It is exhausting!!! What am I supposed to
do? Make a list of all her misdemeanors and remind myself how to handle it every time? No,
but I have learned that consistency pays off in plethora areas of life, not
just parenting. Consistency is one of the passengers in discipline’s car. I
need discipline to live the Christian life, to love my husband, to take care of
my home, to be kind to people, to make money from home, and many other important things in life. I’ve
found that being consistent with my child has given me the confidence to be
consistent in other areas of my life.
Appreciation
No matter how crazy she gets, I have truly
become appreciative for my daughter. I think most parents are thankful for
their children and the blessings that they become. God naturally gives us an
internal love for our children that only we can have for them, but I also
appreciate my daughter for who she is.
As annoying as her trickiness can be, the
kid is innovative. As difficult as the arguments are, she knows how to stand up
for what she believes to be right. These are character traits that I can easily
be responsible for helping her lose if I don’t help her cultivate them
in the right way. Will you reread that sentence again please? One day, she is
going to NEED those character traits for what God has for her. It’s super easy
to find the character flaws that seem to override the wonderful creation this
little person truly is.
Patience
Joni Erickson Tada is quoted as saying, “The times we find
ourselves having to wait on others may be the perfect opportunities to train
ourselves to wait on the Lord.” Patience isn’t exactly my thing. I don’t think
it’s anybody’s thing. We want what we want, and we want it now. I’m not talking
about kids; I’m talking about you and me. We just know how to handle ourselves
better than our toddler (sometimes).
My patience needs to kick in (doesn’t as much
as it should) when she’s done the
same thing for the fifteenth time today or when
I need to explain she should shouldn’t do something, or when she needs some
calm talking to. My child isn’t the only subject that needs patience in my
life. Other people, difficult situations, and God’s unexpected plans in my life
all deserve patience. My strong-willed child continues to expand the horizons
of my patience for every aspect of my life.
Understanding
Ha,
this is the kicker. I will literally say to Chloe, “I CANNOT BELIEVE you just
did that!!! That’s naughty!” What about me, huh? How many times in a full 24
hours do I fail my heavenly Father?
He
gently prods me and nudges until I’ve come to my senses and understand my
wicked ways. His patience is unending and His “mercies are new every morning”
(Lamentations 3:23). When I need more than a gentle push, He does so in love to
make sure that I’m following only His ways or standards.
Maybe I get just a microscopic understanding of what it's like for God to have to deal with me. I think I know the best thing, or I pitch a fit when it doesn't go the way I wanted. Not really that much different, is it?
So,
can we think of another name for strong-willed? Nope… Nope, I can’t. There’s actually no
better way to describe this stubborn, head-strong… Well… mini me. If we allow
ourselves to grow, we can learn from anything He puts in our lives… even the
littlest of little people.
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